For one minute, for one lifetime, is one more real than the other?

and there i was. dancing, with no end or beginning just a constant movement propelling me away and nearer, closer and never reaching. why seek an end to this dance? because my heart, my soul yearns for some calm, something that will take my heart as if it were the richest orb of this earthly world... not fragile, not delicate, but treasured, held sacred. Loved. something, someone.

Take my heart and be satisfied, i cry! is it too much to ask, that it not be scarred? That it be treasured not tossed endlessly. a footnote. a side-bar.

It is too much to ask. living through the scars, persevering beyond and in spite of the maddening dance that forever threatens to abandon itself to exhaustion and defeat.

There is no defeat. Which is why we rage. We rage, we cry, we react to the fire and the water within us -- pushing, pulling, tossing, revolting -- we are that fire, we are that water, that is the dance, that is the scar... that is the I that is me.

Meet me here, and then we shall dance.

deep red

you stand. poised. ready. or not? is it movement or retreat? is it progress or paralysis? on the deadline.

is it finite, or infinite?

i have thought about what it is to write into the abyss of internet blogging - thought it to be interestingly, yet depressingly solitary, self-serving... as if others would want to hear what goes on in another's head... anonymous being writing and transmitting through cyberspace ideas that who knows why they cannot find another outlet for? is it the anonymity that we crave, or find solace in? or is it that these thoughts would otherwise not be expressed, out loud, or otherwise? or is it that there is no audience? the only audience that we crave is through the imagined safe space of anonymity... is this not odd...

what world do i live in?

one more thought i send into the abyss:

when you dance en pointe, to those that observe or contemplate dancing en pointe it seems a magical feat of a super-strong toe... magical feat of the feet... and yet, to be en pointe - to poise, balance, perform - has little to do with the toe or the foot. It is all about the core strength supporting the upward energetic pull of the muscular body. The pointe is the minor detail: the strength, the support, the upward energy, the collective movement of the body is the dance; the power.

the point is quite irrelevant.